


Kill the Light

by servatia83



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, F/M, Prequel, Werewolf, Wolfsbane Potion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 01:22:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5072509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/servatia83/pseuds/servatia83
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A student comes to Hogwarts under nasty circumstances. She receives a mentor she dislikes, who turns into a teacher she fears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Split

**Author's Note:**

> ((This isn’t anything, really. Go away.  
> No? Well. It’s just for myself. A part of it is a spoiler for another fic I might put up if I get round to proofread it again. (Fireproof … That’s the name of the other fic. I’m not going to fireproofread it. That makes no sense. Oh hell.)  
> And don’t judge me if I didn’t get the voices right. My voices speak Ukrainian right now. I haven’t read the English books in a while and for this here I don’t think I’ll go out of my way to correct … pretty much anything. Don’t ask. I need a true background for something huge that may never even show up here and that never had a title to begin with and that is now so corny I can’t possibly publish it without generous refurbishment …  
> But I still needed to write this here thing. Because of reasons. And I post it because I’m a narcissist like that.  
> This also doesn’t really have an ending. At least not a satisfying one.  
> Horace Slughorn’s in there. He shouldn’t be because the big thing I might post is an AU. As in I wrote it in the waiting time for HBP. But it’s a historical Slughorn in here and I didn’t feel like inventing someone new.  
> The only thing about this that makes sense is the timeline. Sheesh.  
> I’ve proofread and heavily edited the entire thing, but I’m sure I missed stuff and added new errors.  
> You’ve been warned.  
> Wait! Overall title’s a Lacuna Coil song. Nearly forgot to say.))

Minerva slapped the Sorting Hat on its shelf, dust rising from the impact. She turned to face the other heads of houses and Albus Dumbledore. ‘Guess.’

The challenge was met with silence. At last, Horace smiled at her. ‘Well. Her cousin kept talking about her so often, they must be quite close. So I’ll be bold and say Ravenclaw.’

McGonagall glared at him. ‘That was what I expected. What Unity expected! The girl kept nagging me all the way to the front door until I gave in and let her come with me. Apologies, Albus.’

The headmaster shook his head. ‘By all means, Minerva. Esther has lost her parents, Unity her aunt and uncle. It’s a shock to them both. They need each other.’

‘Well, they won’t see too much of each other now, will they! Esther Highpit is in Slytherin, believe it or not.’ She glared at Horace Slughorn as if that was all his fault.

‘Interesting,’ Flitwick said.

Sprout, the youngest member of Heads of Houses, frowned. ‘Is that even possible? Her parents are muggles, aren’t they? No wizards at all, in all her family. Except her aunt.’

‘Aunt by marriage, Unity’s mother isn’t related to her.’ Flitwick rubbed the bridge of his nose. ‘It’s rare, very rare, but not unheard of.’

Horace managed to stop gaping. ‘Curious indeed.’

‘What will your students do to her?’

He glared at Minerva. ‘Nothing whatsoever. Partly because they’ll just assume she must have some wizards in her ancestry or else she wouldn’t be in Slytherin. But when all is said and done, we all know it doesn’t seem to matter as much as we would like to believe.’

‘Some of us would like to believe that, not all.’

‘Quite, Minerva.’ He shrugged, not letting her words provoke him. ‘She’s here, she’s been orphaned a month ago, and she has to catch up five months’ worth teaching. We should consider just … sending her home and letting her return next year.’

‘No.’ Dumbledore rose and walked over to a window. ‘No. She isn’t safe at home.’

‘Is that it, or is her home not safe from her?’

‘That, too. Until we can change that, we can offer what she needs. I do not want a little girl locked into a security vault every month. A girl that is already traumatised.’ He turned back to look at them and smiled. ‘Unity is a very good student. She will help her cousin. She will have a difficult start. We have the facilities to deal with her lycanthropy, and I will ask people to assist Scura and Jack in make their home safe for a werewolf girl. The adoption of their niece is underway.’

‘Jack Highpit is a vampire, isn’t he?’

‘Yes, Horace. And perhaps that is a good thing. Someone who is also under a curse he can never shed.’

‘Scura isn’t exactly a good role model, Albus. Do we really want to leave the child with them?’

‘Unity has developed into a delightful young girl. Shy and more subdued than a girl her age should be, yes. But Scura is willing to let a young werewolf join her family. I may not agree with her stance about how to raise children, but I submit that for now, she is the safest person for Esther to be with in the holidays.’

Minerva frowned. ‘Speaking of security vaults, do you think it’s wise to lock her in with another, much bigger werewolf?’

‘I don’t think it’s wise to risk either knowing about the other,’ Flitwick said quickly. ‘Especially with the loudmouths Lupin associates with.’

Dumbledore raised his hands. ‘You are both right, of course. The Shrieking Shack was built in the summer holidays after his first year. We’ll keep her in one of the dungeons this year. Next, Lupin will be gone and she can adopt his shack.’ He looked at Slughorn. ‘Horace, make sure to impress on your students that she does not need them telling her it is a good thing her parents were butchered.’

‘Why would they say such a thing?’ the Head of Slytherin asked.

Minerva bristled. ‘How blind are you? Parents don’t want her to come to Hogwarts, parents die, kid comes here. What else would they say?’

Horace folded his arms. ‘Oh, no, they won’t. Or else.’

‘We must also make certain that the whole school doesn’t learn how her parents were killed. Let it suffice it was a violent crime, one of the many that plague our people. But if word gets out about what she is … No. We cannot allow it.’ He tapped a finger against his nose. ‘Horace … pick one of your older students and ask them to look after the girl. Someone you trust will not badmouth her behind her back.’


	2. Wednesday's Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((This is the second time I abuse the nursery rhyme Monday’s child and pilfer the start of a line. In my defence, it’s a difference line than the last time.))

The mood in the disused classroom was frosty. The two students looked as though participating in a competition of sullenness. ‘Well. Now.’ Slughorn looked from one to the other. They looked like complete opposites. He was tall and thin with straight black hair framing his face. She was short, had light blonde, almost white hair in wild curls standing in all directions. His eyes black, hers bright grey. What they had in common was their pallor and, as he had noted, their expressions. ‘Severus, this is Esther Highpit. I told you about her.’

‘Yes, Professor.’ His voice was quiet, and it was obvious he wasn’t very amused.

‘Esther, this is Severus. He’s in his last year, and he’ll help you after your classes. You’ve got to work hard to catch up with the rest. I’m sure Unity will help you, too.’

‘No. She’s stupid.’

‘Come now, she’s not stupid. Quite the contrary. But she hoped you’d be in the same house is all. She’ll come round.’ The girl looked stubbornly away. ‘Esther.’ Her baleful gaze met his. ‘It … gets easier with time. I know that doesn’t help you now, but there it is.’

‘You know nothing about it!’ Her voice was suddenly loud and harsh, tears of anger and grief building in her eyes. ‘Everyone will die! And it’ll be my fault.’

Wide-eyed, Horace hushed her. ‘Esther, no, you’ll be all right. We’ll make sure. Come now.’

Young Severus Snape chose this moment to show his aptitude at saying the worst possible thing. ‘People die. Better get used to it.’

Slughorn couldn’t get between the two fast enough. The girl launched herself at Severus with such force she nearly knocked him off the chair, screaming insults. He pulled her off and shot him a glare. ‘Severus. Shut up.’

‘Why me?’

Slughorn banged his fist on Severus’s armrest. ‘Because I say so.’ The adolescent swallowed whatever reply he had prepared and Slughorn continued to Esther in a much gentler tone and so quiet Severus wouldn’t hear it. ‘Look. No-one’s going to get hurt here. Professor McGonagall told you all about our school and that we can help you. If it really, really doesn’t work out for you another way, there’s someone here who can relate to what you’re feeling right now, at least to that particular problem. But you’ll understand I don’t want to connect you two. You know why.’ She nodded. ‘Good. But keep it in mind, and before it all gets too much, I’ll bring you to them.’ He made a face. ‘Next year will be easier, for you too.’ He rose and shot the boy a glare. ‘Severus … You’ve been warned.’

Slughorn left them, feeling a little uneasy. The young wizard wouldn’t normally have been his first choice, and he had almost asked someone else. But in the end, he had chosen Severus Snape, not for his kind nature, but as an underhanded disciplinary action. He only hoped it wouldn’t backfire on the poor girl.

After his departure, the two sat silent in the deserted classroom. ‘Have you ever used magic?’ Severus asked at last.

‘Not on purpose.’

He nodded. ‘I see. Why’re you only here now?’

‘My parents wouldn’t let me come.’

That was what the students had been told, but Severus hadn’t been sure if he believed it. ‘Weird. And your guardians let you?’

‘They’re Unity’s parents.’

‘She’s your cousin. Yeah. So he said. You get along?’

‘Until now.’ She looked at him, at last. ‘Why’s she so angry? I don’t know what I did wrong.’

‘Nothing. No-one likes us and we don’t like the others. That’s how it is.’

‘I’m not a baby, don’t talk to me as if I am.’

He snorted. ‘Fine. C’mon, let’s go to the common room. I’ll show you a few things. You’ve got the weekend to catch up a bit. But it’ll take you longer. The basics are the hardest.’ Her expression got even dourer as he made to leave. ‘You’ll be fine or you wouldn’t have got the letter.’ She shrugged, jogging to keep up with his long strides. ‘I’ve N.E.W.T.s this year. I can’t babysit you all the time, you know.’

‘Can you show me? Your newts?’

Severus rolled his eyes. ‘They’re the final tests. Before you leave school. It’s my last year.’

‘I wondered … what d’you do after?’

‘What does your Aunt do?’

‘She’s a Healer.’

‘Always an option. I don’t know yet. Auror sounds cool, you learn a lot of forbidden stuff there and you can even use it.’

‘Curses and such?’

‘Sure. There isn’t an Auror without a whole arsenal of curses and hexes! After all, whatever it takes to get the job done. You … know what an Auror is?’

‘I’m not stupid, Severus.’

‘No. You’re not.’ He made a face. ‘There’s other options, too. A lot of options.’

‘Like what?’

‘Political stuff. You’ll know when you’re old enough.’

‘I’m not …’

‘You’re going on my nerves. C’mon. You’ve got a lot to learn.’

Ϡ

‘Where were you last week?’

‘I’m sorry, I was sick.’

‘Yeah. I’ve heard that line before. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you before we all go home.’

‘Glad to be shot of me? I know I am.’

‘I had to be strict with you.’

‘You’re mean.’

‘So you’ve said.’ Severus looked at the young girl. She seemed even smaller than when she’d first arrived. At the beginning, she’d cried a couple of times and he’d lost his patience with her, telling her to come back when she was done. ‘I’ll probably not meet you again, because where I’m going I can’t associate with the likes of you.’

She folded her arms and glared up at him as if he was a six-year-old. ‘The likes of me.’

‘You know.’

‘Actually, I don’t. Enlighten me.’

‘Muggle-borns. Especially precocious little Muggle-borns.’

Her eyes narrowed, and Severus knew this wasn’t going to end anywhere good. He’d learned to predict the volatile girl’s explosions, and now, there was one on the way. ‘Don’t you want to use another word?’

He looked away. ‘No. Look. It’s like this. I can’t afford to have anything to do with your kind.’

A reddish hue appeared on Esther’s cheeks. Any time now. ‘Get out.’

‘What I mean is … I wanted to wish you good luck.’

‘You can stuff your luck where the sun don’t shine!’ Her fists were balled as she advanced. ‘I don’t want to see you again, either, ugly git! OUT!’


	3. Under the Skin

Esther glared at her butterbeer. She was still shivering, even though it was warm enough in the Three Broomsticks and they had been in here for a quarter of an hour. ‘You see, Essie, we could also burn down the town and dig for gold in the ashes.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Essie.’

‘Yeah.’

‘I’d appreciate it if you listened to me, you know.’

‘What?’ At last Esther looked up. ‘Sorry.’

Unity shook her head. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Well. For starters, this career advice thing was the worst idea anyone ever had. I still don’t know what to do after school, I still don’t think anyone’s going to help me, and I’m still mad at Slughorn for leaving.’

Unity shook her head. ‘He retired. He deserves it.’

‘Snape’s still the git he was in our first year. Slughorn was fun.’

‘I’ll give you that. And he was fair. Snape took points off me for helping someone yesterday.’

‘Git.’

Unity leaned closer. ‘What did he want with you, the other day?’

Esther made a face. The potions teacher had taken her aside to speak with her, allegedly to help her. But Esther didn’t buy it. ‘He said he knew someone who could help me into the office. Someone who could hide what I am.’ Excitement gleamed in Unity’s eyes but Esther made a face. ‘For all I know, he works for You-Know-Who and wants me murdered.’

‘What makes you say that?’

‘He hinted that he planned to.’ Esther threw her hands in the air. ‘Why do I say hinted? He and Avery and the other sick bits of dung kept going on about their future glory loud and clear in the common room! And now he’s back, and I’m still a Mudblood!’

Unity’s expression turned angry. ‘Did he call you that?’

‘He doesn’t need to, Unity. He thinks it.’

‘Dumbledore wouldn’t let a Death Eater teach us.’

‘I just don’t know. I’m scared of him.’

‘Essie. He isn’t out to hurt you. Did you even listen to what he had to say to you?’

‘No.’

‘Then go see him. Now, when we get back.’

‘I don’t want to. I want him to keep his nose out of my business. Two more years and I’m rid of him.’

‘I’ll know where you are. And if you don’t tell me you’re all right after, say, half an hour, I’ll find some excuse and get you out.’

‘I thought you hate him, too.’

Unity made a face. ‘I think he’s a bully. But you’re in his house, he always treats his lot well. Even you, if I might remind you. Or did he take points off you when he caught you prowling around at night?’

‘No.’

‘See? Talk to him. Trust me.’

Ϡ

She _was_ scared. It was the simple truth. So when Esther stood in the dungeons, waiting for Snape to open the door, she couldn’t stop fidgeting – or flinching, when he yanked the door open and glared outside.

‘S…sorry, if this is a bad time, I’ll come back later.’ Esther had almost turned around and fled when his voice stopped her.

‘What do you want?’

‘You … asked me to talk to you.’

‘I _offered_ to talk to you. Which you refused.’ His expression softened a little and he opened the door wider. ‘The offer still stands.’

‘Can I ask questions?’

‘Yes. I have some of my own.’ Still trembling, Esther entered Severus Snape’s study. There were jars full of disgusting things. She looked away, not daring to wonder what horrors he might cook when no-one was looking. ‘I will start asking questions. The first one is, why you didn’t tell me of your … ah … affliction when I was your mentor?’

‘You knew anyway, you told me so to my face one day.’ It was so hard not to turn into an eleven-year-old under those eyes. ‘I couldn’t tell you, I swore I wouldn’t.’

Snape nodded slowly. ‘I know you do not trust me, but I have a second offer for you once we have discussed everything else that … apparently needs saying. My second question is, why do you fear me?’

Esther hadn’t expected anything so direct and swallowed. ‘Because I believe … Or suspect … Sir, are you a Death Eater?’

Snape turned a shade paler than he had been before, if that was even possible. ‘I am not. And I advise you not to accuse me of anything like this in a public place.’

‘I didn’t accuse you in a private place, either, sir. I asked a question.’

‘An impertinent one!’ He walked around his desk, gripped the sides of her chair, and stared down at her. ‘I am not a Death Eater, Miss Highpit. I suggest you remember that well.’

‘Were you ever?’ She slapped her hand to her mouth once the words were out but it was too late. ‘I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to, I …’

‘Quiet.’ Even if Esther wanted to flee, she was still trapped between the chair and Snape. ‘I do not like repeating myself, Miss Highpit, least of all to over-inquisitive students. This is not Azkaban. Do you really expect Professor Dumbledore to put random criminals in charge of the students?’

It struck her then how ridiculous the question was. ‘I … no.’

‘I should hope not.’ With a little colour returning to Snape’s face, he sat down again on the other side of the desk. ‘Now my first offer … don’t look so surprised. Yes, I am still going to make both offers. I have heard that you are interested in becoming an Auror.’

‘Yes. But obviously, that’s impossible.’

Snape nodded. ‘Yes. Under ordinary circumstances, werewolves are registered and will never be allowed to become Aurors. But you are not registered. You were treated at home by your Aunt, you were brought here without anyone knowing just what you are, and you will leave the school with all the world still in the dark.’

Esther shook her head and pulled up a sleeve. The cuts she had given herself during her latest transformation were almost healed. ‘Tough to hide.’

Snape folded his hands on the desk. ‘What if I told you there was a way to stop you from hurting yourself? You would be incapacitated for a single night each full moon, but without pain. You would change and sleep peacefully in whatever place you prefer to lock yourself in. No destroyed furniture, no fear of spreading death among your peers.’ He leaned back again, his lips curling. ‘I see I have your attention.’ He ambled to one of his shelves that had books rather than potion ingredients – or worse – and returned with one of the few newer looking volumes. The way he looked through it, standing beside his desk, it seemed as if he had been deeply engaged in the book all the time. Esther didn’t dare to interrupt. She felt she had said more than enough. ‘Here.’ At last, he placed the book in front of her. ‘This is a relatively recent invention. Considering the thorough testing that is necessary for it, I wouldn’t have considered it safe after less than three years of it being in use, but by now I dare say it is safe. It is difficult to make and unpleasant. It cannot cure you. But it can give you relief and you can keep your secret.’

Esther stared at the book, then at Snape. ‘Why would you do that?’

For a moment, the mask slipped. Before her stood no longer a young man with too much power over her, but someone that could be approached. ‘Call it a peace offering for a rotten farewell.’ He frowned. ‘You are not the only one who has learned a lot in the past few years. I have as well.’

Ϡ

‘Now what?’

‘Now you wait. Just a little bit until the colour changes again. Now take the cup with the nepenthes juice – careful!’ He steadied her trembling hand with his own. ‘Careful. You need to let it flow steadily into the potion when it starts getting a light reddish hue, but before it’s purple.’ Still guiding Esther, Snape tipped the cup slightly. ‘Gentle. Don’t rush it.’

‘I’ll never be able to do it alone.’

‘You will. You have three more months.’

‘It seems so little. I can hardly come running every month after I left school to beg you for a potion.’

‘There is no need to beg.’ He let go of her. ‘Turn the heat down. Yes. This looks good.’

‘What if I botch it and don’t notice?’

Snape shook his head. ‘Impossible. The only good thing about making Wolfsbane potion is that you will always know when you fail. This beautiful blue colour you see rising from the depth now only develops if you did it right.’

‘And if I drop the nepenthes juice in, like I would have?’

‘You get brownish goo and have to start over.’

‘Wonderful.’

‘At least you will practice.’

‘That really cheers me up.’

‘Good. Now scoop out a cup and drink it as soon as you are able. You will also see when it is too late.’

‘Thank you.’

‘You are welcome. We repeat this in twenty-one days.’

‘Can’t we just make some in between for practice?’

Snape shook his head. ‘No. You need to be collected and calm. Letting you practice before you need it would support your needless fretting.’

‘I don’t fret.’

‘No. And you don’t have a bad temper.’

‘True.’ A ghost of a smile tugged at Snape’s lips and Esther’s heart skipped a beat. ‘Thanks for your help. I … wouldn’t be able to do it without you.’

‘It will come.’ Snape offered her a cup. Esther took it, but he didn’t let go. ‘Have confidence.’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘You should have it.’

‘Yes, sir.’ He still held on to the cup. She placed her second hand on it, wondering if she was brave enough to try and tug it out of his hand. Her fingers brushed over his, only for a moment, and Snape let go as if burned.

‘Take the potion.’ His voice was rough and his eyes darting away from hers. Esther ladled potion into the mug and brought it up to her lips. Two long fingers on its rim stopped her. ‘When you no longer burn yourself. Hot, yes, but not boiling.’ There was a mixture of reproach and amusement in Snape’s voice.

Esther blew lightly over the liquid, suddenly very aware of a loud silence. ‘It’ll take a few minutes before I can drink it.’

Snape nodded. Esther looked at the potion, her first actually successful attempt. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps she would be fine. Only three months to go and she would leave the school. Three months and she would truly not see Severus Snape again.

The thought sent her heart racing, and it wasn’t with joy. She was, in fact, no longer eleven. Esther didn’t even realise that she was staring at Snape. He tilted his head, his lips opening by a fraction of an inch in an unspoken question. Esther stood on the tips of her toes and kissed him, just a brush of her lips over his. ‘Miss Highpit?’

‘I … had to.’

‘That was a very bad idea.’

‘Will you discipline me?’ It sounded horribly corny, she realised, even though she had meant it literally. He understood her.

‘No. I don’t believe this warrants repercussions.’

A slight smile formed on Esther’s face. Emboldened by his lack of disgust, she closed the distance between them and kissed him again, more daringly this time, and when he reciprocated, she thought her knees would give. He was the one to break the contact, at last, his breath fast and his cheeks reddened. ‘Drink your potion. Go to your dormitory.’

‘Severus, I …’

‘No.’ He blinked rapidly. ‘You’re my student. I will not risk everything I have become. I can’t.’

‘It’s not like this was unexpected. Was it?’

‘No. Not even unwelcome. But … Esther.’ Her heart skipped a beat. He had never used her first name before. ‘If I lose this position, I will not find anywhere else. I know that. Please accept it as a fact and do not question it.’

‘I won’t always be a student, you know.’

Snape swallowed. ‘No. But you shouldn’t even consider this.’

‘I see.’

‘No, you don’t see! You will never see, and you’ll never begin to understand! Now go to your common room!’

Esther froze. She drained the disgusting potion faster than she had ever done before and turned. A hand caught her arm. ‘Wait. Please.’

She halted. ‘What? Sir.’

Snape slipped around her, his expression no longer angry but terrified. Of what, she wasn’t certain. ‘Do you still want to be an Auror?’ The question was unexpected enough for Esther to remain silent. ‘I know someone, I told you. I can talk to her, but she won’t want me to.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I know more about her that she lets anyone know.’ Snape licked his lips. ‘Horace Slughorn sometimes revealed details about people when he should have kept silent. Especially to students he considered noteworthy. I was never quite one of them, but sometimes, just sometimes, I got his attention and sometimes he spilled things. Little things. Details of a past that is everything but glorious.’

‘You want to blackmail an Auror into getting me into the office?’

Snape shook his head. ‘That isn’t possible. But I can make certain she doesn’t look into your history. She needs to know your secret, and I believe she might not be the kind to hold it against you. But she will follow the rules, unless it’s in her best interest not to.’

‘So … you want to blackmail an Auror into letting me get into the office.’

‘You still have to pass the tests. That would be a loophole for her, because it’ll be her testing you, at least in part.’

‘Can’t I just ask Dumbledore to talk to that Auror?’

Snape frowned, but after a moment he nodded. ‘As far as I know, they aren’t on good terms, but still, his voice always has weight. Do you wish me to speak to the Headmaster? I am, after all, the Head of your house.’

‘I don’t suppose it could hurt.’

‘Esther, do you have any intention to … meet me again after you leave school?’

‘No. I didn’t want your pity, I wanted a chance.’

‘At what? A relationship? With me? Why?’

‘You were there for me, those last three years. And this year especially, more than you had to. I thought you’d want the same. I was wrong. I feel like an idiot, but I won’t scream. At least not where anyone can hear me.’

‘The Shrieking Shack seems to be a good place. It has been awfully quiet.’ He frowned. ‘Are you serious?’

‘I was.’

‘I … will change your mind. I will give you something that can destroy me. I hope you will not choose to do so.’

With an ominous feeling, Esther watched as Snape pulled up his left sleeve. First, she didn’t see it. His skin was so light the scar was hard to spot. But after a moment, the shape became clear to her. A cold hand closed around her heart. ‘Liar.’

‘I never lied to you.’

‘No. You talked your way around the truth.’ She wasn’t even yelling. Esther was very proud of herself.

‘I had to. Leave, Esther Highpit. Forget me.’

 

 


	4. Sense and Foresight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Chapter heading is a line from the Delain song Sleepwalker’s Dream.))

Severus had never like Scura Highpit. They hadn’t run into each other a lot, but those few times it had happened, he had always thought she emitted a sense of self-righteousness and superiority he didn’t care for.

She was, however, an excellent Healer, and the man currently under her care sorely needed that. Rather than leave the stricken Auror in St Mungo’s, Dumbledore had decided to bring him to Hogwarts. He must have contacted Scura on the way somehow, because she had appeared only moments later. Now Severus had his potion ready and bottled, and decided to see how the woman had progressed.

‘I’ll ask you to wait in the next room,’ Dumbledore told him. ‘Scura has done what she can, now it is up to him. There are a few people over there, waiting to hear how he is doing.’

Still wondering who might even care, Severus stepped inside the small room. He found Minerva McGonagall, Remus Lupin, and the Highpit cousins. His colleague and Lupin greeted him. Unity Highpit made a face and looked away. Esther … Esther stared at the small vial in his hand, bit her lip, and nodded. ‘Urania Gallows is dead,’ she said. ‘And he’s dying. He can’t survive this, no-one can.’

Severus approached her. ‘What happened?’

‘They … former Death Eaters or something, they’d planted a trap for the Aurors … set their hideout on fire, locked them in, and fled.’

‘Locked them in? You cannot just lock two Aurors in, let alone those two Aurors.’

‘We’re not sure how,’ Unity managed. Her voice was hoarse, her eyes red. The two young women were close to their mentor, it seemed.

‘He is in the best hands. Maybe, he will tell us.’

‘What do you care?’

‘I would find it very interesting who it was and how they killed one of the best in the office.’ Severus looked at Esther. ‘I would also prefer that he survives. There are too many followers of the Dark Lord still out there, witches and wizards who still believe that we should rule over everyone else. They need to be found. They need to be brought to justice.’

‘And you actually mean that.’

Severus nodded. ‘I absolutely mean that.’

The door opened, revealing Albus Dumbledore. ‘Severus, may I have the vial?’

He passed it to the older man. ‘Is he going to survive?’

‘He might. I cannot tell. Not yet.’

‘Professor.’ Lupin’s voice had an edge to it, a hint of discomfort. ‘I have something for him.’ He offered a small box and talked to Dumbledore in too low a voice to overhear.

Dumbledore glanced inside the box and chuckled. ‘Thank you.’

‘There’s something else, too, but I need to find it first.’

‘I am sure he will be delighted, Remus. Unity, Esther, your aunt asked me to send you her greetings, she was in a hurry. You are both welcome to stay as guests until we can say for certain what will happen to Alastor. For now, all I can say is that he was Attached.’

The two young women muttered their thanks. They strode out as if by a command, neither one so much as glancing at Severus.

Ϡ

Severus had fought with himself. He had wanted to leave Esther alone. Had wanted to leave Unity to help her with her grief. But Unity had left the castle, summoned to a job by the Ministry. And now Esther was alone.

Torn between leaving her alone and wanting to … do what exactly, he wasn’t even certain, sleep was out of the question.

Severus walked the quiet corridors. Chances were, if a student was out of bed and wandering about he wouldn’t even see them. And his intention wasn’t patrolling. His steps brought him to where Alastor Moody lay in a magic induced sleep, his body fighting for life with the help of spell and potion. What he would have to say about the state in which the burning building collapsing on top of him had left him remained to be seen. They weren’t close, but Severus felt a wave of compassion for the man. Perhaps death would have been preferable.

He didn’t even see her at first, curled against the doorframe in a thick nightgown the same colour as the door. He crouched beside her and touched her shoulder. Esther jumped to her feet, looking shocked. ‘You cannot enter,’ he told her.

‘I noticed.’ She rubbed over her face. ‘Can you?’

The truth was that he could. Dumbledore had sealed the door. Only they could enter. They had no reason to suspect anyone within the school would try to harm Moody, but the fact remained that he was extremely vulnerable. Better be cautious.

Severus licked his lips. No-one was supposed to enter. No-one. ‘I can open the door, but I agreed not to.’ Except in an emergency. It wasn’t as if because Moody was alone in there, he was under no protection. If something changed, both Snape and Dumbledore would know, and then it was a matter of who made it here faster. ‘I cannot promise you that all will be well. I don’t know if it will.’

Esther snorted. ‘You’re better than all the rest of them, telling me he’ll be fine. What exactly happened to him, Se… Sir?’

He managed not to react to Esther’s slip. ‘He was trapped in the house, as has been said. Dumbledore arrived moments before it collapsed. He had made it to the threshold and when the borders of the house were corrupted, the spell was lifted. Dumbledore managed to get him out, but he is severely injured from magic and the physical force of the collapse. He has lost an eye and a leg and may lose his life.’

Esther slid down the door again and shook her head. ‘What sort of spell does such a thing?’

Ignoring the coldness of the floor, Severus sat next to her. This was a tougher explanation. ‘It is called Attachment. Showing you will be easier than explaining. If you trust me, I will.’

‘You want to use Dark magic on me?’

‘I fully intend to lift the spell again.’

‘You’ve got to be kidding.’

‘I see. The incantation is Teneo, the one to lift it is Solvo. It leaves you able to move under certain conditions. You cannot run. If in motion when the spell strikes you, you will trip. Depending on the intent and the strength and focus of the person casting the hex, you will be able to walk or crawl. You cannot leave the building you are in or even, again, depending on the intent, the room. The mental concept is, as you can imagine, complicated. But it has its restrictions. The spell is useless outside or if the borders of wherever you are, are changed. A fallen roof does that. A broken wall as well. An open door doesn’t.’

‘Show me.’

‘No.’

‘Severus. I need to know what I could face at any given day. And I trust you. I really do.’

He swallowed. ‘Walk away from me. Slowly, I don’t want to hurt you. I will make it powerful to demonstrate why he couldn’t leave. Try and enter the room to your left.’ She scrambled to her feet and walked while Severus pointed his wand at her. ‘Teneo.’ As if her knees no longer could support her weight, Esther dropped to the floor. ‘Stand up.’ She did. ‘Try to walk.’ As soon as Esther lifted a foot, she fell back down. She reached the door on all fours, opened it, but couldn’t move her hand past the threshold. ‘Solvo.’ Severus folded his arms. ‘You are free.’

‘This is … very strange.’

‘And very dangerous, as you see. Not very common, however, because inefficient.’

‘Inefficient? Tell Alastor it’s inefficient! I dare you!’

Severus, still sitting on the floor, looked up at her. ‘He would tell you the same. The spell is used by Aurors more often than Death Eaters. He will teach you, one day. But the trainees don’t get to learn the Dark magic they will be perfectly entitled to use. That only happens at the very end of your training.’ Esther sat next to him again. Closer than before. Severus fought the urge to put his arm around her. ‘It is inefficient, because you can never trap more than one person. I could not, for example, singlehandedly Attach you and Unity and leave you to starve.’

‘Charming thought.’

‘I am not attempting to be charming.’

‘I hope that isn’t the best you can do.’

He looked at her. ‘Do you want to go inside?’

‘I thought you can’t. Or shouldn’t.’

Wordlessly, Severus rose and opened the door. ‘I’ll wait here.’

The young woman was with her mentor for a little under half an hour. When she emerged, her eyes were reddened, but she looked composed enough. ‘I told him that I don’t allow him to die.’

‘I am certain he’ll take it to heart.’ Severus closed the door again and sealed it. ‘Go to sleep. You aren’t helping him by catching death in the draught.’

‘I’ll try. Thank you, Severus.’

He watched her walk away. He should tell her something to give her comfort. That he would let her know when he had any news would be a good idea. ‘Esther,’ he said at last. She turned and smiled at him. ‘If you need to talk, you know where you find me. Any time.’

Ϡ

It was one of the longest nights in Esther’s life. She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t get the picture of her mentor’s ruined face out of her head. He would have to leave his work, the office would never let him continue like this. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what being forced into retirement would do to someone so passionate about his work. She refused to bother Severus Snape in the dead of night. She also refused to question why she’d even want to after over two years; almost three, in fact. So she waited until morning and went to his classroom at the end of the first lesson.

She couldn’t help smiling. Judging from the potions bubbling away, the students were third-years. Snape gave instructions to a Ravenclaw girl with curly black hair and walked over to her. ‘I can wait next door,’ Esther suggested.

‘Please do, unless this is an emergency.’

She shook her head. ‘Your office, right?’

‘Right.’

Leaving, she heard him snap at a student who had either had the nerve to comment on her appearance or had said something else he considered superfluous. Severus had never had much patience, and it seemed that hadn’t changed. When he left the classroom to join her in his office, he looked detached and cautious. He hadn’t before. Interesting. ‘Thanks, Severus. I … wanted to ask you something. I can’t get it out of my head. Couldn’t for three years.’

‘Has it truly been that long?’ His voice was quiet and distant. The moment passed, the mask of indifference returning. ‘Ask your question, Miss Highpit.’

‘All right, Professor. Why … did you leave You-Know-Who?’

Severus’s eyes narrowed. ‘I told you before what I think of impertinent questions.’

‘Yes,’ she said, ‘and you said you weren’t a Death Eater, and you said Dumbledore didn’t employ random criminals!’ Her voice had risen with every word. ‘Now tell me why I shouldn’t go to my superiors and tell them just what you really are. What did you do to get Dumbledore to trust you?’

Severus opened his mouth and closed it. Slowly, he walked towards her, towering over her short frame and scowling down at her. ‘What did I do to get you to trust me? You have done so last night.’

Esther shrugged and looked away. ‘I haven’t the faintest idea. I just don’t believe you’re evil. I can’t imagine you as a Death Eater at all.’

‘Interesting. I’m not sure how many would agree with you.’

‘I don’t care. I would just appreciate a rational reason, something that tells me I am not just being naïve.’

‘Please take a seat.’ And again, Esther found herself sitting across the Potions Master, a desk between them, with her feeling like a child. ‘First off, there is no point threatening me. It is known to the ministry that I was a follower of the Dark Lord. Luckily for me, I turned coat before his fall.’

‘Hang on. Do you believe he is truly gone?’

‘No. I never believed that.’

‘What will you do when he returns?’

‘What I did at the end of his reign. I will work as a spy.’ He shook his head. ‘Don’t look so shocked, Miss Highpit … Esther. Your work is no less dangerous, only a little more … direct.’ He supported his chin on intertwined fingers. ‘I believed in the Dark Lords ideals to the letter. I don’t know what my seventeen year-old self expected a Death Eater’s life to be like, but it certainly wasn’t what I got. I have done gruesome things in the Dark Lord’s name, I do not deny that there is innocent blood on my hands. Blood I will never be able to wash of.’ He blinked, looking at a point behind Esther’s shoulder. ‘They wanted to murder Dumbledore. It was a gathering of music lovers the Death Eaters had infiltrated, knowing he’d be there. My target, however, was not Dumbledore himself but anyone they might not be able to get out of the way. I was to dispose of them.’ He swallowed, his face haunted. ‘I found myself face to face with Minerva McGonagall. One of the few teachers I had truly respected. She has that effect.’ Severus paused, lowering his hands to the desk, fingers locked so tightly they were a stark white. Just when Esther was about to ask him to continue, he looked back at her, returned to the present, the spectre gone. ‘It was a massacre. The lot there weren’t as defenceless as we had thought, but no match for us. Dumbledore had been lured away by one of us killing the pianist. And I failed to kill my target, the last one in the way. Not that I think anyone would have had a chance against Dumbledore, but in my hubris I believed it then. And instead of killing her – or trying to – I cursed one of my fellows who would have been a witness, altered his memory into thinking I had been out cold, and told her in no uncertain terms that I was done with this entire mess.’

‘And she believed you?’

‘No. She took me to Dumbledore, who returned to the mess down the hall. He did believe me, luckily for me. You see, I had no reason to turn coat, other than being sick of it. I … lost my composure, was out of control and willing to turn myself in.’

‘I don’t think I would have bought that.’                                        

‘Neither would I. But Dumbledore isn’t easy to fool. I am not certain I could do it.’

‘Yet you insist you can fool You-Know-Who.’

‘There are a few essential differences between the two, other than the obvious ones. The Dark Lord is paranoid and reckless at the same time. He believes he controls everyone in his service, and to a point, he is right. He is close to invincible if not truly so, and he knows it. And he believes we all fear him too much to even try to betray him.

‘Dumbledore … is different. He is cautious and empathic. It allows him to read people, to understand what makes them beat. He has never been betrayed except by Sirius Black who had everyone fooled except me. The only traitor within Dumbledore’s rumoured inner circle ever. I am not the first to try to betray the Dark Lord. Although, so far, I am the only one who succeeded.’ Severus spread his arms before letting them fall back on his desk. ‘Now what is your verdict, budding Auror Esther Highpit? I am certain Alastor Moody wouldn’t want you to mix with someone like me.’

‘He doesn’t get to tell me who I talk to. Who I care about. It’s not like you’re a condemned felon.’

‘Only because … it doesn’t matter. You should leave, Esther.’

‘True. It doesn’t matter.’ She reached across the desk and placed a hand on Severus’s folded ones. ‘What I told you. It’s still true.’

‘Why would you want to have anything to do with me?’

‘I believe … you are a very special person. Not without issues, but who is without issues … like, ever. I like the man you became at some point between my first and my last year. Very much.’

‘Have I truly changed that much? I still see the same man in the mirror.’

‘Do you believe I shouldn’t have been taught here?’

‘Of course not.’

‘Do you believe I am inferior to, say, Unity?’

‘No. Being accepted for an Auror’s training alone sets you apart from most witches and wizards, and at least in my class, you outperformed your cousin. Although I hear that she has incredible Transfiguration skill.’

‘Then you have changed. When I first came here, you showed me more than once that you thought I wasn’t worth the dirt on your shoes. Don’t deny it, Severus. We both know it’s true.’ He looked away. ‘You’re not willing to let anything like the terrible things in the past happen again, and you will certainly not play a part in it if they do. You’re prepared to fight. That’s more than can be said of many of the innocent people out there.’

‘Complacency subtracts from innocence, in my book.’

She snorted. ‘In mine too. Thing is, you fight for your beliefs. The beliefs have changed for the better. There is no reason why I should avoid you.’ Esther walked around the desk. ‘I don’t want to avoid you. Quite the contrary. I’d like that chance. I am not your student and my training will be over soon. I am going to rent a home in Hogsmeade, I’ve already picked a place, before I even considered having this particular talk with you. I wouldn’t be too far away.’

‘Esther.’

‘Hmm?’

‘My next lesson is going to start in a few minutes.’

‘Oh. Yes.’

‘That … came across wrong. I want to … I will think about this. It was never anything I considered. To get involved with anyone like this.’

‘Why not?’

‘I … couldn’t imagine anyone would want to have me around when I often cannot even face myself. Let alone someone _I_ would want to have around. How very novel.’


	5. Nothing Can Hold Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Chapter heading taken from Swimming Home by Evanescence.))

The quill snapped and Severus didn’t even notice it. ‘No.’ He turned away from Albus Dumbledore’s sombre face and Alastor Moody’s scowl. ‘No, this is a mistake. No, a plot! As it was five years ago. Essie’s fine and she’ll be right back in a few days.’

Alastor Moody snorted. ‘Been through that line of thought. Sadly, not this time. They allowed me to come out of retirement to look for her and her charges. They wouldn’t do that if they were hiding her themselves.’

‘I am afraid, this time there is no way our news is faulty,’ Dumbledore added and Severus balled his fists. ‘Her blood was found along with that of the five others. And even though we have no body, I can tell you for certain that they had no reason to keep Esther alive.’

‘Maybe they try to get information from her. Maybe we can still find her!’ He spun back around, his eyes wide.

‘I have people out there doing precisely that, Severus. If she still lives, we will find her. I cannot promise you when, but I swear that if she is still out there, we will find out where and return her to safety. I advise you not to cling to such a desperate hope, however.’

‘Professor … I … We meant to …’ He fell silent. Not now. He couldn’t possibly say that out loud. Only now did he so much as look at Moody. ‘Haven’t you got some way to track your people?’

Moody sighed. ‘I wish we did. There was the idea to do something of the sort, to make any Auror traceable, but the Aurors themselves never wanted that. Unity is going ballistic about it right now, especially since they tended to fight over this. One day Unity wanted safety and Esther wanted freedom, the next day they bickered again because they’d both changed their minds. You knew how they could get sometimes. Poor soul, Unity, they were always working together, and the two times they weren’t, catastrophes happened.’ He shook his head. ‘I’ll look for her. Not for your sake, but for hers.’

‘I … know that. Professor, I would like to …’

‘No. You need to remain. I have a feeling that I need you here in the coming term. Leave the search to the experts. They have the necessary means and, in Alastor and Unity’s case, the passion. You, on the other hand, have to be prepared to let her go.’

**Author's Note:**

> ((I have no idea if there ever was a muggle-born Slytherin. It never says there can’t be any, Scabior says something that might be either sarcastic or factual … I just don’t know. I always considered it rare but not impossible because no-one ever said it.))


End file.
